i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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