you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize