A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
