I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
