I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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