all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
