I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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