I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
did i just pee glitter
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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