i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
