My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
