she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
