We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
