your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
