I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
