The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize