haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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