Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
