If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
