Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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