john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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