once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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