Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
