Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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