He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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