bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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