I wish I could punch you in the face.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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