Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
