she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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