I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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