I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
