i love accidental penises.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
