Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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