I must be too annoying 4 u.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
