ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
