I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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