P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
