I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Randomize
