i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize