you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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