that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
