Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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