got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
