My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
