I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize