I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
