You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
