she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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