I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
