Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
