you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I pour the whiskey from now on
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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