Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
