Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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