I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
