Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
