Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
