Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
