I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
