So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
