I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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