I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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