...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
