have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
