either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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