I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
