Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
pop tarts are not kleenex
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize